Nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change – Mary Shelley.
Again, this is a day late. Blogmas has been one of the latter things on my mind during the past week, simply because I have had a shit week, probably the worst of the year which says a lot considering the past six to eight months. I won’t go into it, those who are on the need-to-know basis already know (and frankly, they’re probably the only people who read this little blog of mine) but I’ve turned the corner and I am feeling better about it already, despite not knowing what the future holds right now. Then again, I didn’t really know what the future held last month either.
The thing about Christmas is that it is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year. We are drowned with images, music, traditions about Christmas Day being the most perfect day in the world. Yes, the day might be if we do it right, but leading up to it is mountain upon mountain of stress that snowballs and makes you wish it was dreary January because nothing great (apart from birthdays and holidays) happens much, and so it could possibly be easier to deal with. Or maybe not because we’re all broke AF on January 1st.
Lately, I keep sharing memories of the great times of the year: of my travels. It is the one thing – apart from friends and family – that I can count on. Maybe I count on it more so because I want to be able to count on myself. Sometimes, I feel I can’t. In fact, despite a decision being made that is detrimental to my own happiness and the release of stress and tears, I still feel bad. A little. And so, that makes me question myself, in a way that I don’t want to question myself. I don’t want to be the person to second guess myself any more; I’ve been that girl for way too long in my life and it’s only ever hurt me in the long run. I remember a close family member telling me years ago “You’ve got to look out for number one. That’s you. Put yourself first.” And, it’s true.
If you’re truly not happy in an aspect of your life, change it. It might be shitty at first, but a weight will lift and you’ll think, why didn’t I do this before?
Going back to travelling, because my mind went off on a tangent as it does. I do really want to go travelling again. The more I think about it, the more I regret not doing my farm work in Australia. However, I can’t dwell on it as nothing can be done about that now. Instead, I’ll have to explore a brand new country next, and make sure I don’t have any ties that could hurt my future in the long run. I have learned a valuable lesson and I won’t let anything, or anyone, stop me from having the time of my life. I’m not saying it was a mistake because at that point in my life it wasn’t a mistake; it was a different road to a different sun setting in the distance. The next one will be the sun rising instead, glowing in its orange hue and rising up to the bright blue skies of midday. Right now, I am in the night time, but the stars are there, twinkling away.
That’s the beauty of life: even when it’s dark and you feel as though it’s the blackest of nights, there are always stars and galaxies somewhere, letting you know that life really isn’t as bad as you think it is.
Love, Faye xo