You have travelled far, but the hardest part of a journey is always the next step – Jackie Morris.
This is the exact quote that I needed to encompass what I am feeling about the next few months. I’ve travelled very far throughout my adult life. Friends and family call me a gypsy. I’m always on the go, always getting itchy feet for staying in one place for too long, and always in a state of wanderlust, dreaming of which destination to explore next. The next big adventure is a little different. I’m moving my entire life 145 miles away and quite frankly, it’s terrifying. That’s the word for it. It’s also thrilling, exciting, a breath of fresh air (quite literally). But mostly, when you think about it from the comfort of your bedroom that you’ve come back to time and time again over twenty years, it’s terrifying.
I’ve been here before. I flew to Australia to live out of a backpack for ten months. I was planning to move to London, years after going to university there. Why should this be any different? I will tell you why. This feels like a permanent choice, and I have a slight fear of permanent choices. I am the girl who goes abroad for a few months, changing cities and flying across borders to explore the different parts of a country. I am also the girl who’s longest job has lasted one year. Over the years, I have come to realise that I love to make changes in my life when it comes to careers and big decisions. So, this choice to pack up all of my things into boxes is something that I cannot exactly run away from if it all gets a bit too much. Maybe I am finally realising that I have to grow the hell up and take a chance at living on my own two feet.
The biggest fear I have of moving my entire life is that I am moving it to live with a man, my lovely, understanding boyfriend who puts up with all of my worries and angst and possibly all of my meltdowns. There isn’t anyone I’d rather do this with, but this is the first time I’ll be moving in with my significant other. You might be reading this thinking get a grip, people do this all the time, but I am not other people. I have never done this and it is a huge commitment to make, especially when it is a long distance relationship. Closing the gap is incredible and the goal of every couple in a long distance relationship, but it doesn’t make it any less scary. There is also the fact that I am leaving my comfort zone and my friends and family. It’s not as if I can pop round to my mum’s, or my cousin’s, or my friend’s for a quick catch up and cuppa, or bottle of wine; I have to plan trips in advance, or drive for three hours. People who know me personally know how close I am to my family. Not having them round the corner will be a pretty big adjustment, especially after having lived at home for two years since returning from my travels. But, I know that they will always be here, and it is where home will always be too.
In the next few months, I have so many things to look forward to: three back-to-back trips, a possible wedding, sparking joy with sorting through my things Marie Kondo style, alongside the task of finding a new job. It might not seem as though there is excitement in my veins about this change of direction in my life. Believe me, there is. I can’t wait to put my stamp on a home with more than four walls, and do the whole decorating thing when I have the money to do so (I will be skint in June) and spend longer than six days with Warren! However, I’m also sharing the realities of how I am shit scared too. Going from city life to country life is a pretty big thing in itself. So, if you are going through this change in your life, or your moving away from home, or moving in with your partner for the first time, you are not alone.
If you got to the end of my ramblings, congrats! It might not make sense, but it’s easier for me to get it all out there. Let it out, if you will.
Love, Faye xo