Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together – Marilyn Monroe.
The title of this blog post has been sitting in my draft box for well over a year. I wanted to write it for Valentine’s Day last year, but the time didn’t feel right. I guess there isn’t ever a good time to write about break ups at all, certainly not when you’re in a stable, loving relationship. So, why now? I simply had the urge to write about a topic that is close to everybody’s heart, including my own. Most people in life will suffer at least one or even, incredibly, many heart-wrenching break ups, when the tears feel like they’ll never stop and you’re heart just won’t cease aching. The best time during a break up is when you are asleep and everything is forgotten, or you’re too busy to remember that you thought you lost the love of your life. I’m here to tell you that they are not the love of your life, that they never were, and that the best is yet to come, no matter how cheesy and presumptuous I may sound.
The end of a significant relationship is brutal, but through that brutality is a time of reflection. After the initial shock and remembering all of the lovely, amazing times you spent together (completely disregarding all the shit times that made you both miserable), you will get a new lease of life, a breath of fresh air, after that silent suffocation that you couldn’t pinpoint for so long. The end of this chapter trusts that you will make the most of life, the most of what is just around the corner, which can only be incredible things that you can do in the knowledge that you are putting yourself first. You might be a little bit more social, or you might book that dream trip that you always wanted to do, and eventually, you might just meet your partner for life, the one who will never make you cry, will always cheer you up no matter what and the one who you want to go on adventures with, no matter how big or small. The love of your life might not even be a romantic interest. It could be your child, your best friend, even yourself. We should all be our own loves of our lives because the person in the mirror is the person who makes the best decisions for ourselves, from the heart and from the gut.
Perhaps you lost yourself a little along the way. I know I certainly did in my previous relationship. My own best friends and closest family didn’t recognise the person I was becoming. I didn’t recognise myself sometimes. Crying and crying for no reason was never something I had done before; I never berated myself or made excuses for past actions before. I wasn’t perfect. Nobody is. Nevertheless, I tried to change an incredible amount to please someone who was never going to be satisfied, regardless of how much we tricked ourselves into believing so. When the relationship ends, little by little, you get pieces of your true self back, the person who had hidden away for a little while and you welcome them with open arms and a huge grin on your lit-up face. The confidence in yourself will grow like a flower that has waited a long spring to bloom into its brightest, most-beautiful colours and you will look towards the sunshine and leave your past in shadow, where it belongs.
If none of that convinces you that your break up is a good thing, know that this is the final straw. You have tried to make it work, had long conversations deep into the night about how much you both love each other, cried until no more tears have come, even had a break. The break up is the last option and if you’ve gotten to this point, there is no going back. Of course, there are times when couples do find each other again and live happily ever after, but from personal experience, an ex is an ex for a reason and even if it works for a while, the inevitable comes crashing down on the dream that you both had for your lives. That inevitability is called reality and it hurts, but once you have gotten through the pain, you will be stronger than ever; you will know exactly what you don’t want in the next relationship, whenever and with whomever it may be. You will understand the mistakes you made in the past and you will promise yourself that you can be happier.
Going through a break up is the worst thing in the world at the time. If you’re reading this because you are going through one right now, know that this moment in your life is a mere blip, something you will look back on with a realisation that you came out the other side. It won’t ever be a happy, cherished memory but being courageous in accepting it and understanding it will give you that bit of closure that you might never get otherwise. It is hard. It is excruciating. It is a sickness of the heart. As time moves on, so will you.
I hope this post helps someone, whoever needs to read it.
Love, Faye xo